It all hit me as I was driving home from another meeting with a divorce lawyer. I never imagined I would be in this situation. I was now a twice-divorced single parent with a three-month-old baby girl. I was 33 and this was my first baby, so like most first-time parents, I had little idea what I was doing. I loved my daughter, and couldn’t imagine a world where she was not in my life. Although, the struggle of balancing my job, taking care of a newborn as a single father, being kicked out of my house and forced to move into an apartment, and having mutual friends taking sides was too real. The embarrassment, shame, and most of all the fear of the future were overwhelming.
I was locked in a bitter divorce and custody battle against my will. I despised the weekly ritual of meeting with my lawyer, draining my hard-earned savings, only to be told each week what little chance I had in the court system. I was stressed and depressed, at times feeling so hopeless and alone that I was questioning how I could continue on.
As a child, I attended church every Sunday with my parents and even served as an altar boy. Yet, I had developed no relationship with God. Now was the time that I needed to know if He could really hear me and cared about what was happening. As I drove home that fall evening from another depressing meeting with the lawyer, I found myself asking God: “Why me? Why is this happening?” At that moment I passed a church and the sign on their lawn caught my attention. It read: “Sometimes God has to break you to re-make you”. I immediately broke down, sobbing, and had to pull the car over to the side of the road…
That was the beginning of my story of recovery, redemption, and restoration.
One of my favorite scripture verses is Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, and a longing fulfilled is like the Tree of Life”.
My heart was clearly sick. Ultimately, it would be another four years before my longing would be fulfilled, and I married the woman of my dreams. Along the way, my faith and trust in God grew each and every day. I learned how to cope with loneliness. I had to be happy with myself, being alone, before I could be happy sharing my life with anyone. Over time, I realized how much relationship trauma I had absorbed, from childhood through adulthood, and learned how to deal with the effects of it. I learned how to stop bad relationships early on and find someone who was the perfect match for me. I worked through many years of healing in my body, mind, and spirit, and we did the same as a couple.
Together, we overcame the shame and fear associated with the prospect of being alone forever and being accepted as divorced Christians.
This led us to an amazing, healthy, thriving marriage, fully submitted to God. We just celebrated our 20th anniversary! We have two sons who are now in high school and college, and my daughter is living out her adventure working in California.
Because Colette and I were almost destroyed by bad relationships, we now help divorced Christians overcome loneliness and find a loving spouse without feeling guilt or shame. We discovered how to heal ourselves (body, mind, and spirit), develop healthy relationships, and thrive in marriage and business. What God has given to us, we want for YOU, too!
